(Me, pre-kid, idealizing parenting perfection)
I’m going to be the calm, patient, persistent parent. I’ll never say “no”—just gently redirect with a calm, understanding tone. When my child has a meltdown, I’ll swoop in with grace and empathy, solving every dilemma with the wisdom of a parenting guru. Sounds like a dream, right?
Well, fast forward to now… my daughter is almost three, and let me tell you—some of that dream is real, but let’s be honest—gentle parenting doesn’t always look like a Pinterest post.
I’m still persistent, and I definitely try my best to be patient and understanding. I attempt to work my “word magic” to avoid a tantrum from my mini-threenager. When she’s struggling, I offer her comfort and validation like the gentle parent I aspire to be. But… let’s face it—sometimes a gentle approach just doesn’t cut it.
Gentle parenting has been the buzzword for a while now. It’s everywhere—on podcasts, blogs, Instagram, Pinterest, probably even a secret society somewhere. There’s no shortage of advice on how to raise your child with nothing but love, empathy, and a calm voice. And while I always thought I’d be the queen of gentle parenting, I’ve realized it might not always be the best fit for my daughter. She’s independent, strong-willed (both mentally and physically), and, let’s be honest, stubborn to the core. Sometimes, she needs a little more structure to stay on track.
Now, don’t get me wrong. There are moments where gentle parenting really works wonders. Like:
- When she grabs too many snacks: “Wow, you really like ___! How about we save some for tomorrow so we don’t run out? Doesn’t that sound like a plan?”
- When she pulls the dog’s ears: “Uh-oh! Did you hear that? It hurts when you pull his ears, and it makes him scared. Watch how gently I pet him. See his tail wagging? He feels safe now!”
But then… there are moments where I need to be a little less gentle:
- When she slams doors for fun: “No. Please stop. If you keep slamming the door, it might break, and you’ll get hurt. We’re done with this.”
- When she bites (yep, bites): “Ouch! Stop! I don’t like that. I don’t play with people who hurt me. You can stop now. Bye!” (And yes, I walk away because I’m that cool of a parent.)
Most days, I’m still soft. It’s a delicate balance—loving, respecting, and, of course, setting boundaries. It’s not always easy, but I’m learning that it’s OK not to be perfect. And I don’t expect myself to be. Every day, I’m thinking about how to adjust my parenting to what my kids need right now—and sometimes that means flexibility.
So- here’s to growth, change, and adapting as we raise these tiny humans—and somehow manage to hold on to a shred of sanity in the process!