Me: Goes to the grocery store by myself while my husband spends time with our daughter.
My brain: Hurry up. You’re wasting precious time that could be spent with your family. Your daughter is probably looking for you—and you’re gone. She’ll remember this.
If you can’t relate to that, how about this one:
Toddler: (Full force, full swing, smacks me in the face because she wants me to leave the room) HAHAHAHA
Me: (In a stern, loud voice) NO! WE DON’T HIT!
My brain: You’re such a terrible mom. It’s never okay to yell at your kid. She’s going to remember you as an angry mom. What a disappointment.
And one more:
Me: (Arrives 15 minutes later than usual to pick up my daughter from daycare)
My brain: Really? You’re late. She’s going to notice and be so sad and worried. You’re creating an anxious child who feels unsafe and unloved. What did you do today, anyway? Nothing that should have made you 15 minutes late!
I apologize if any of those examples triggered you- take a moment!
These are just three brief but extremely common examples of how mom guilt shows up in my life. For me, mom guilt is that nagging feeling of shame, insecurity, self-criticism, and—of course—the guilt that comes from not living up to my own expectations as a mother. Most of the time, my mom guilt is triggered by two things: taking time for myself or responding to my toddler’s challenging behavior in ways I later regret.
While everyone’s experience with mom guilt is different, it’s something most of us mothers (and probably fathers, too!) struggle with. I’ve listened to podcasts that discuss mom guilt, and they suggest things like talking to a therapist (which, yes, is definitely helpful), journaling, practicing mindfulness, etc. While I appreciate the advice and have tried to apply it, the guilt still lingers. It’s so strong and so constant that, for me, it feels like an ongoing process to work through it.
One of the biggest things I try to remind myself of daily is to give grace—to my toddler, to my husband, to others, and especially to myself. It’s a reminder I need to hear every day because, let’s face it, nobody’s perfect.
Ultimately, I think if you feel mom guilt, you’re actually doing a good job. You’re paying attention to your behavior, reflecting on your actions, and evolving as a parent. So, give yourself some grace, mama. You’re doing the best you can, and that’s enough.
(I would love to hear your thoughts/experiences with mom guilt. Comment below if you can relate! )